You Have 13 New Messages!
by waiting-in-the-shadows
Summary: When Jason finds a laptop left by a stange girl at the lake, he decides to explore the vast world of the Internet! review or he'll squeesh your head!
1. jason voorhees: chatroom chatter?

Jason Voorhees (cookiemonster195)

Freddy Krueger ($exyPIMP)

Michael Myers (~MEOW-RE-MIX~)

**$exyPIMP** has signed on.

**cookiemonster195** has singed on.

**$exyPIMP:** oh crap its godzilla. RAWR lol

**cookiemonster195:** calling people names is not nice, mommy told me that! :(

**$exyPIMP:** hey, did you know? hypnocil has been approved by the FDA. guess i'm out of a paycheck...

**cookiemonster195:** ROFLMAO!! ^_^

**~MEOW-RE-MIX~** has signed on.

**~MEOW-RE-MIX~:** hi jason. hi freddy. jason, they have internet at the lake??

**cookiemonster195:** well i found some girl who was at the lake. she got away but left her bag, which had a laptop and some candy inside!!! :D

**$exyPIMP:** so is that why your username is the way is ...?

**cookiemonster195:** very much so.

**$exyPIMP:** _why don't you just change it??_

**cookiemonster195:** **CUZ I'M A LAZY MOFO!!!!! GAWD!!!! **


	2. jason voorhees: uke or seme?

OKAY!!

One thing all celebs have to do is Google themselves. Ahem...

J-A-S-O-N... V-O-O-R-H-E-E-S.

Dang, I got a lot of hits! Scanning through the crap, one thing caught my eye. There, in all caps, was the phrase **JASON/MICHAEL**. Of course, I click on it. "fanfiction"? What a weird name.

TEN MINUTES LATER

Oh my... Oh... GOLLY. I've never... felt that way before. Never about Mikey. Never about ANYONE. I hear a twig snap behind me and turn around. Apparently, Michael had been standing there the WHOLE time. Now he's running away, afraid to get raped by a 7-foot-tall sweaty zombie.

LATER IN A CHAT ROOM...

**cookiemonster195:** **_I'M NOT GONNA RAPE YOU, MIKEY!!!_**

**~MEOW-RE-MIX~: **o_0 ?!

**$exyPIMP:**i fully except your lifestyle... MIKEY+JAY FO-EVAH!!


	3. jason voorhees: cyber hootchie?

Since I have an e-mail AND IM my friends, you would think that there isn't really anything an old timer like me would need to obsessively check, right? Wrong! I got a Myspace, home dogz!!

Let's see... I have 174 friends, 65 friend requests, and 45 new messages. I feel so loved.

PICTURE TIME!!!

I'm taking the picture with the webcam.

3... 2... 1 ... click!

Of, course, all my pictures are of me with my ass in the camera. Myspace pics are always like that! ... Right? Looking at my inbox, Freddy sent me a message.

Subject: hey myspace whore!

Message: you've turned into a total hypocrite, jason. i mean, look at ur profile. it looks like one of sluts you killed made it!!

...

He's just jealous cause I have more friends!!


	4. jason voorhees: rpg master?

Sword... equipped.

Armour... equipped.

HP... full.

MP... full.

Spells... at the ready.

**Jason:** who wants to quest with me??

**Leatherface:** me! me! OOOOOOOHH, PICK ME!

**Jason:** ...

**Jason:** fine.

**Leatherface:** YAY!

**Jason** has started quest.

**Leatherface** has joined group.

**Pinny** has joined group.

**Mikey** has joined group.

**Fred** has joined group.

**Matilda_Dixon** has joined group.

**Jason: NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! MATILDA YOU ARE A HORRIBLE KILLER FROM A HORRIBLE MOVIE!**

**Matilda_Dixon:** don't be mean to girls!

**Mikey:** ur a girl? i thought you were a dog...

**Matilda_Dixon:** What?!

**Mikey:** you... deeply... resemble... a............. dog.

**Matilda_Dixon:** THAT'S IT!!!

**!!BATTLE!!**

**Matilda_dixon** uses Scary Images!

**Mikey** takes 12 damage!

**Mikey** uses Stabby Stab Stab Stab!

**Matilda_Dixon** takes 68 damage!

**Matilda_Dixon** uses Magic Tooth Fairy Wand!

**Mikey** takes no damage!

**Mikey** equippes Cheap Flashlight From Walmart!

**Mikey** attacks!

**Matilda_Dixon** is defeated!!

**Matilda_Dixon:** Nooo! Light! My only weakness!!!

**Pinny:** well done! well done!

**Fred:** cool how you pwned that noob.

**Jason:** THIS CHAPTER WASN'T EVEN ABOUT ME!!

**Mikey:** what chapter... ?


	5. jason voorhees: virus victim?

Subject: you got an e-card from a friend!

That's what it said before it went to heck in a hair ball...

I mean, all I did was open an e-mail! Now I got this blue screen with writing on it. GAWD!

" ... need help?" Mikey mumbled behind me. JESUS CHRISTMAS, where did he come from??

" ... like, from my mum and dad?"

CRAP! Is he in my head?!

" ... dunno... maybe... maybe not." I could tell he was smirking under his mask. He sat down next to me. Creepy. Then he started to edge closer to me. Creepy... er. Then he reached in front of me. I NEED AN ADULT!! I NEED AN ADULT!! suddenly Mikey was huddled over the laptop, tapping away at the keys.

" ... chill, dude. I'm, like, the MASTER of killing a virus..." Mikey sighed, ever-so-coolly. I fell asleep while he was working. when I woke up , it was around midnight. The glow from the screen burned my eyes. I could hear Mommy calling me...

"**JASON VOORHEES!!! I DID NOT RAISE YOU TO LOOK AT SUCH FILTH!!!**" She screamed. I soon realize that Myers had left up a naughty website to make Mommy mad at me, to trick her into thinking that I wasn't doing my job.

Thanks a bunch, Mikey. Now I'm grounded.


	6. jason voorhees: random pancake!

**cookiemonster195** has signed on.

**~MEOW-RE-MIX~** has signed on.

**cookiemonster195**: I hate you, Mikey... I do. Why did you do that?

**~MEOW-RE-MIX~**: ur not grounded, so what's the deal?

**cookiemonster195**: it took FOREVER to explain it to mommy! So screw you!!

**~MEOW-RE-MIX~**: me-thinks you already did that on Fan Fiction. *shudders*

**cookiemonster195**: YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN!

**~MEOW-RE-MIX~**: I wanna play a game. I'll name an artist and you name one that starts with the last character of the previous name. Every 10 answers we start the next round.

Slayer

**cookiemonster195**: reliant k

**~MEOW-RE-MIX~**: korn

**cookiemonster195**: nirvana

**~MEOW-RE-MIX~**: AC/DC

**cookiemonster195**: coheed and cambria

**~MEOW-RE-MIX**: AFI

**cookiemonster195**: … um incubus??

**~MEOW-RE-MIX~**: slipknot

**cookiemonster195**: TENACIOUS D!!! =P

**~MEOW-RE-MIX~**: T_T disturbed, easy. Okay round 2... flyleaf

**cookiemonster195**: Frenzal Rhomb

**~MEOW-RE-MIX~**: hehe... BLINK 182!! BEAT THAT, DOUCH BAG!!!

**cookiemonster195**: X_X ...I lost

**$exyPIMP** has signed on.

**$exyPIMP**: you guys are idiots.


	7. micheal myers: private dancer?

Youtube. A place where young and old, idiot and non, EPIC FAILS and EPIC WINS collect and share themselves in the most moronic and genius way created. I have found something on here... how should I put it? Well, let's just say Mikey's gonna be pissed. He will most likely hunt down this person and slit his neck open. OH, THE HORROR! But I can't **not **tell him, I don't want him to get mad at me. You know what'll happen! Blood, screaming, spider monkeys, torture, that stuff...

**cookiemonster195:** Mikey... get over here...

**~MEOW-RE-MIX~:** of course jason! Let me just magically poof to some swampy lake in new jersey, just cuz master says so! Your wish is my command, master! Screw off? Please?

**Cookiemonster195:** you're on youtube, idiot!

**Cookiemonster195:** Mikey?

**Cookiemonster195:** hellloooooooo???

**cookiemonster195:** bgh bnhjm bnyugtjhhjbtg

Michael appeared behind Jason, pushing his head into the keyboard. Wait, did he poof here?!

"Maybe..." Michael smirked. Ugh. I showed him the video...

"CARAMELLDANSEN! OOH OOH OOWAH OOWAH!!" the speakers blasted the cheery, Swedish tune as a chibi Michael Myers danced his heart out.

"... THE HELL, MAN?! Does anyone have any sense these days? I mean, come on!! Caramelldansen? CARAMELLDANSEN?! I am the Bogeyman himself, _**THE **__**SHAPE**_! My name strikes fear into hearts everywhere, but noooooooo! Now it's, 'Micheal Myers? I saw him in that Caramelldansen video!' **GRRROOOOAAAARR**!!" Jason stared in awe of what was in front of him. 'Michael Myers' and 'talkative' really don't go in the same sentence or paragraph. Hell, even the same page! Unless the word 'not' is between them....

He better stop yelling or Mommy's gonna get mad.


End file.
